The Esoteric Science Resource Center

For those coming in late, I have a certain disturbed fascination with watching the Borders Books & Music chain as it slides down the toilet bowl; it's the same horrified fascination that I get when watching an ant in an ant lion trap, but I know that the demise of the ant won't flood the area with dozens of unemployed and unemployable English and Fine Arts majors who can't stand the thought of working anywhere where they can't "stay in the publishing business." The latest reason why I recommend dumping your Borders stock if you're going long, or buying up as much as you can if you're planning to short it, comes from the announcement of the impending opening of a new Borders concept store in Allen, Texas.

For those unfamiliar with Texas geography, this is due north of Dallas, and well on its way to McKinney and subsequently the Oklahoma border. For those familiar with the area, this quote should set off a ridiculous amount of merriment:

"With its many avid book, music and movie lovers - together with its vibrant culture and rich history - Allen is a wonderful community for a concept store, and we are anxious for customers to start enjoying all that the store will offer this summer," said Vince Vizza, vice president of real estate for Borders Group.

Avid book lovers? Vibrant culture and rich history? In Allen, a town that pretty much exists only because its southern neighbor Plano didn't want trailer parks within the city limits? Geez, Vince, did you pick Allen solely because of the tax writeoffs, or because someone on the City Council enjoyed the feel of your tongue on the inside of his colon?

That's it, kids. If Borders is blowing more money on concept stores at a time when its finances are already tenuous, someone in Corporate has already decided that the company's doomed. I've seen the same sort of zombie twitches from other companies just before laying off everyone and selling their facilities, and I have a distinct feeling that the liquidators are just waiting for the next earnings report. Just so long as the employees continue to delude themselves that they're going to win the Employee Fiction Writing Contest and hang on until the absolute end, the shorts and the liquidators are going to feast.